remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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