Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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