I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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