he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
