I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
