Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
