hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
