erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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