Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its about making memories worth repressing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
