I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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