Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
