Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
