Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
