Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
