Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
