i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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