you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
