your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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