she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
