just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
