I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
