Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
