turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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