Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
