Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
