Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
