he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
