So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
