note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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