I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My breasts were aching with rage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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