so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
