I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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