I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
