apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
