dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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