I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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