Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
