She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
