My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
