I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
