Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

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(516): View more from New York

everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.

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(805): View more from California

i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something

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(513): View more from Ohio

Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...

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(775): View more from Nevada

I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.

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(407): View more from Florida

I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold

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(727): View more from Florida

I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.

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