..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
