I need to stop coming to work sober
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize