so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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