she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
