I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
