i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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