He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
