Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
