Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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