I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
