My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
