We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
