remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
