he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
