If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
