I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
