I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
