What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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