I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
