Do you still have your period?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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