dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
