Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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