these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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