i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i've created a new STD.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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