Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
