i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
